What can I say about the last ten days? What a long, strange trip it has been! But I am in a good mood today, feel optimistic about making the next "round" better and have more funny stories than I can even begin to report.

Below is something I wrote earlier in the week but never sent out. For those of you who knew my Mother, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have come to respect her in the past three months. Did I have to get the same cancer as her to understand everything she did for me? Maybe not. But it is a wonderful side effect. Thanks everyone. Keep in touch!

***

When I was about four years old, every kid in our apartment complex got the chicken pox. After the first ten kids were covered in big red juicy welts, desperate parents made up a contest which featured a grand prize for the kid who ended up getting the worst case. I may have been only four years old, but I vividly remember sitting in a lukewarm tub while my Mom tried to soothe my welts with some sort of special chicken pox elixir. And after every last kid made it through this awful event, I sure won the "worst case of the chicken pox" prize; no one had the welts that I did.

My prize for the chicken pox was this little drum that I had seen at a store downtown. For some reason I really wanted that drum. I remember talking about that drum and asking for it. And this was back in the days when parents didn't buy kids everything they wanted, so I am not really sure why I ever thought I even had a chance at that drum. Realistically, if it wasn't my birthday, or Christmas, the odds of me getting that drum were extremely small. Then my bountiful chicken pox case came along and I got the little drum.

Now I am 41 and just suffered through a few really awful days after my first infusion of Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Honestly, I did not know what to expect, but I don't think I anticipated FEELING like my insides were being drenched by "bad, crazy, drugs" that Hunter Thompson wouldn't have chanced. The day or two after the infusion pretty much just felt like a really miserable hangover. Then on day three and day four, I think every cell in my body freaked out and decided to LET ME KNOW.

I kind of think I may have had it worse than everyone else. Well, I sure hope no one has ever felt like that. But maybe they do? Anyway, it is over, but I did have two really sad sack days and now I have two weeks to figure out if there are any other good side effect mitigaters that I can find before going back for more. And yes, I will go back for more, if for no reason but to see if I can find a way to make it better next time.

Meanwhile, it is just as well that there is no little drum for anyone to reward me with for all of my suffering. I can just see it now, my little drum. Not very long after I got it, my brother and his best friend used the drum sticks to poke holes in it, which of course rendered the drum useless. And my parents couldn't find another one, so I never got another drum. But I will never forget my Mom washing my back in that tub of water, trying her best to ease my suffering.

Likewise, I will never forget all of you for checking in via email, phone, USPS  and in-person visits while I live through beating the cancer monster - truly it has made it bearable.

Thank you.

Carolyn